In today’s episode of Shit I Wish I Never Saw, I bring to you a carefully curated collection of the best cursed images online. We make a departure from my usual horror media reviews and instead take a trip into the terrifying depths of the world wide web. Have /r/eyebleach open in a new tab ready for the cure, because I’m about to ruin everything.
Never heard of a ‘cursed image’? Jeez… know your memes, my dudes. In a nutshell, a cursed image is a photograph that leaves you with a deeply unsettled feeling in the pit of your stomach. Sometimes it’s the content of the photo itself, sometimes it’s the lack of context surrounding it. Sometimes the photo depicts something properly horrific, sometimes it’s relatively tame. Regardless, you look at it and just know something ain’t right.
That feeling of worry and dread caused by the images has captured the imagination of us internet dwellers for a while; we’ve had cursed images for years. Now though, they’re a thing, you know what I mean? The New Yorker even wrote an article about them once! Ohhhhh, ‘real’ journalism! On any social media platform you can name, there is a buttload of accounts dedicated to the daily posting of the haunting photographs. What I am saying is, I’m not the first to find the trend.
Personally, I fucking love them. Being authentically disconcerted is much more fun than simply being spooked with a jump scare or something so expected. I hope you love them too and your Jimmies are well and truly rustled.
Let’s ease you in easy, hey? You’ve probably seen this one – the worst/best faceswap of all time. It transcends the reality of ‘oh no! that’s cooked!’ and exists somewhere in the region of ‘I have seen Satan!’
Don’t have a cow, man!
Maybe when faced with humanity at its most weird, we realise how weird being alive is in the first place. Mortality unsettles the mortal. Or some bullshit. Idk.
Honestly, anything involving Rick and Morty is probably cursed anyway.
This isn’t even a real bad one. I’ve saved this blog post from the real bad ones.
Some cursed images are kind of… defused… by knowing the context. In a horror film, once you see the monster and know its story, it is often not scary anymore. This photo, however, would probably be made worse with context.
Daddy, would you like some sausages?
This one has been around for a long time. Staring into her eyes is like staring into the dark abyss of nothingness. What does she know that I don’t? She’s seen how I die, hasn’t she? She’s seen how we all die.
If this doesn’t look like a scene from a cracked out horror, then I don’t fucking know what does.
Snorky speak human.
Thanks, I hate it.
This is one of the two most famous cursed images. For obvious reasons.
This is the other most famous. It is the quintessential cursed image. The king of kings. A god among men. Dick the motherfucking birthday boy.
There are reoccurring motifs in cursed images. They are often dimly lit photographs. Objects are often out of place and misused. Social norms around childhood and adulthood are disregarded. Boundaries between bodies and objects are blurred. Importantly, one or more of the five questions is asked in response to viewing a cursed photo.
What the fuck is this a photo of? What am I looking at? Just… what?
Who the fuck is responsible for this? Who are these people? Are they people?
When was this taken? How does this look both timeless and of one specific decade?
Where was this taken? Is this from Russia? I bet it’s from Russia.
Why the fuckity fuck fuck was this taken? Context?!
Therein lies the magical power of the cursed image. If we knew those answers, there would be no curse. And what’s life without a little bit of mystery?