Satanic (2016)

3.3 out of 5 pentagrams

SPOILER ALERT: They never do make it to Coachella

Could there be a more enjoyable way to spend a Saturday afternoon watching horror movies while your friend paints your nails and braids you hair?

The answer is no. I am clearly reliving my prepubescence without the tragedy of being prepubescent.

When my friend said “I downloaded this horror movie. It has the girl from Modern Family in it”, I was  pretty doubtful. However, this romp into the world of LA Satanism is decent!

I have to say before we start, I did not find one moment of this film scary. It’s not supposed to be gory and it doesn’t have jump scares or a chase scene. Instead, it uses a creepy subject matter interspersed with urban legends and creepy history to make a ‘creepy vibe’ rather than a ‘omg bad things are happening and I can’t look away’ fest. And that’s ok! In fact, I think it such an over-saturated market, if you can’t do a scary movie well, do a creepy, original one instead.

The basic premise is a group of young adults on spring break decide to stop over in LA momentarily to check out some schpookie sites (kids after my own heart).

As you do, they end up harbouring a hardcore satanist and participate in opening the portal to hell.

Also, out of nowhere random making out between characters who don’t even like each other that is never acknowledged.


Me when no one wants to Ouija with me

Overall, check this film out if you have the chance. It’s more of a spooky comedy than a horror, but watchable all the same.




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